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Penname: cheekybeak [Contact]
Real name: Bob
Membership status: Member
Member since: November 03, 2014
Website:
Beta-reader: Yes
My Stories are arranged in Three Series.

In Ages Past: Which deals with the story Erestor, Glorfindel, and Maglor in the First and Second Age

Order of Reading:
A Song for My Beloved
The Maedhros Incident
Because He Killed Fingon
Stranger from a Strange Land

And

For Years to Come:

Legolas, Elrohir, Elladan, and Glorfindel with a little bit of Erestor, in the Third and Fourth Ages

Trichomania
Culture Shock
Deep and Meaningful
The Last Time
Bitter Loving
The Coronation


Then the Walls of Glass Series, (sad serious angsty ones!)

Walls of Glass
Walk Beside Me
That Wondrous Song
The Ties that Bind Us.

All three Series are interconnected but it is not necessary to read the earlier one to enjoy the second or third.

The Other Side of the Sea
And
The Darkness of Your Heart
Are stand alone stories written in different universes.

[Report This]


Stories by cheekybeak [31]
Series by cheekybeak [2]
Challenges by cheekybeak [0]
Recommendations by cheekybeak [0]
Favorite Series [0]
cheekybeak's Favorites [8]
Reviews by cheekybeak


Title: The Price of Memory by Encairion
Rated: Mature [ - ]
Summary:

Sequel to The Price of Duty.  The continuation of Erestor and Lindir's tale into the Second and Third Age, and the beginning of a woman's from the deep South of Middle-earth who was sold into slavery and taken North.


Category: Fiction
Characters: Aragorn, Elladan, Elrohir, Elrond, Erestor, Gimli, Glorfindel, Legolas, Lindir, Maglor, OFC, OMC, Thranduil
Content: Angst, AU, Character Death, Drama, Dubcon, Explicit Sex, Het, Rape/Non-con, Romance, Slash
Challenge: None
Series: The Price of Eternity
Chapters: 28 | Completed: Yes | Word count: 141357 | Read count: 44315

[Report This]
Published: May 02, 2012 | Updated: November 21, 2015


Reviewer: cheekybeak Signed
Date: December 01, 2014 Title: Chapter 18: Chapter 18

And here is Legolas. How gorgeous is he!!! Told you I would like him. He is like a little ray of sunshine with a wildness to him that is quite appealing . Maybe he could get these two to loosen up a bit. I hope we see some more of him.

I love the way Lindir refers to Gimli as "his dwarf".

The land cleansing ceremony was beautiful. Silvan,sindar and Noldor joined together so very fitting.

Ps forgot to say in the last review how much I loved the image of Erestor on the battlefield when Lindir sees him again and is transfixed. Very powerful!

Author's Response:

“And here is Legolas. How gorgeous is he!!! Told you I would like him. He is like a little ray of sunshine with a wildness to him that is quite appealing . Maybe he could get these two to loosen up a bit. I hope we see some more of him.”

Ah Legolas!  He really was needed to come sweeping into the story at this point and lighten things up by just being him :D  We do indeed get to see more of him.  He’s not a major character, but he floats in and out of the story.

“I love the way Lindir refers to Gimli as "his dwarf".”

Hehe  But he is Legolas’ Dwarf, right?  :wink:   Actually I’m leaving anything more up to the reader at this point, maybe there’s more to that ‘his dwarf’ and maybe there’s not.

“The land cleansing ceremony was beautiful. Silvan,sindar and Noldor joined together so very fitting.”

Thank you!  Finally we see different Elven kindreds getting along!

“Ps forgot to say in the last review how much I loved the image of Erestor on the battlefield when Lindir sees him again and is transfixed. Very powerful!”

Thank you :blushes:  Dear Lindir is really really smitten, just one glance, just one was all it takes :D

Thank you thank you thank you for those lovely reviews!  You continue to brighten my days :hugs:



Reviewer: cheekybeak Signed
Date: December 01, 2014 Title: Chapter 19: Chapter 19

Wow this story is really sucking me in today. Just as well I have had lots of free time to read!

I see the shades of Ziggy's Elrohir here indeed. I have struggled long with her Elrohir. I do not like him and oh the angst when I realised there was to be no getting away from him and my lovely Legolas being together! Finally ( after three stories!) I am warming to him although I would not say I like him yet but I do understand him.

And so I find I do not like your Elrohir either! The twins behaviour is abominable. I get they are grieving but no excuse. I feel so sorry for Elrond, so desperate for their love, as he has always been really since a boy , longing for family. They have lost a mother but he has lost a wife.
Elrond suffered so much loss. It's like Tolkien dumped it all at his door.

So the twins need to stop wallowing, grow up and start acting like decent people instead of spoilt brats.
I like your Aragorn, a steadying influence on them. How strange it must be to have a little brother grow and mature right past you like that.

And knock me down with a feather I do think Erestor is finally starting to see what we have known for ages. The penny is dropping!
You love him Erestor, you really do! That's why the sudden obsession with gazing at his hair!!!

Author's Response:

“I see the shades of Ziggy's Elrohir here indeed. I have struggled long with her Elrohir. I do not like him and oh the angst when I realised there was to be no getting away from him and my lovely Legolas being together! Finally ( after three stories!) I am warming to him although I would not say I like him yet but I do understand him.”

Oh, did I not like Elrohir either for most of the story and didn’t want him anywhere near Legolas!  So I completely understand where you’re coming from.  He still frustrates me like crazy, but I do like him now and long to see him happy :D   The thing is, the minute I read Ziggy’s Elrohir’s I was feeling him, because I think that’s the way the twins really were after their mother’s capture: selfish and consumed with vengeance.  So it’s like, I think they are fascinating characters, but they drive me nuts half the time even as I’m wishing they could just find some peace (from themselves).

“The twins behaviour is abominable. I get they are grieving but no excuse.”

I totally get you, I feel the same way.  They are acting like selfish children, not looking passed their own hurt for even a moment to see how damaging their behavior is to everyone around them.  And it breaks my heart what they are doing to Elrond!  It’s just like you said: he just wants his family.  And they are all leaving him! 

“So the twins need to stop wallowing, grow up and start acting like decent people instead of spoilt brats.”

Yep.  Pretty much sums it up.  As much compassion as I feel for their pain, they’re behavior is unacceptable.

“You love him Erestor, you really do! That's why the sudden obsession with gazing at his hair!!!”

Lol!  I know.  When you start catching yourself starting at someone repeatedly you need to sit up and pay attention!



Reviewer: cheekybeak Signed
Date: December 01, 2014 Title: Chapter 20: Chapter 20

Ah no I am at the end. Now I am gong to have to wait with everyone else to find out what happens. I am no good at that!

Silly, silly, silly, Erestor. Tell him! If Erestor doesn't tell Lindir then nothing will ever happen because Lindir surely won't say anything. They are both such fools.

Something needs to happen to force Erestors hand, to make him think he has nothing to lose by telling the truth. Some jealousy perhaps? Or Lindir's worsening health?

Come on Erestor, show us some courage!!

Author's Response:

“Something needs to happen to force Erestors hand, to make him think he has nothing to lose by telling the truth. Some jealousy perhaps? Or Lindir's worsening health?”

Oooo I want to share, but no, I need to not spoil anything :slaps hand over mouth and edges away:

Courage is exactly what Erestor is lacking.  I guess it would be too simple (too nice lol) if he actually told Lindir straight-up how he feels :sighs:  Oh Erestor.

“Ah no I am at the end. Now I am gong to have to wait with everyone else to find out what happens. I am no good at that”

I know, I always love it when I can sit down to an entire story and let myself get lost in it.  I shall have the next update up today!  But, yeah, it’s about a week to two weeks between updates.  Sorry!  Actually, the whole story is complete, rough draft that is, it’s just a matter of editing and that takes time.  But I don’t know if that helps to know I will defiantly not be abandoning it?  I usually like hearing that from authors, myself, knowing that the updates will defiantly be coming.

So, things are going to get even more tangled before they start straightening out (the story of this story  pretty much lol). 

Thank you so much for these reviews!  I shall do my best not to leave you hanging between updates too much!



Reviewer: cheekybeak Signed
Date: December 02, 2014 Title: Chapter 22: Chapter 22

How lucky am I, getting an update the day after I ran out of chapters!!!

Oh the Twins are CLEVER!! I am impressed with what they have managed to work out. Can they now somehow discover Erestors feelings as well? For if Lindir knew that he loved him then he would feel able to speak of the soul bond.
How do the twins know about the soul magic? I guess from Celeborn or Celebrain.It's easy to just see them as Noldor and forget they actually have more to their heritage than that.

It makes me sad Lindir sees his love for Erestor as an unhealthy thing. I guess it is if it was truly unrequited but it is not. Erestor feels the same and that transforms it into something beautiful.

I am so happy Lindir has taken the first step to letting go of his bitterness. Understanding it is in effect just another way the Noldor from his past control him is a huge step.

Oh how am I going to manage to wait until the next update!

P.s. LOVED Glorfindel!

Author's Response:

“Can they now somehow discover Erestors feelings as well? For if Lindir knew that he loved him then he would feel able to speak of the soul bond.”

Oh, if only!  But I’m rather terrible and have these two suffering in silence a while longer, sorry!  But yes, if only Lindir knew, then things would all work out; I just have to torture them a little while longer (as if they hadn’t already been through enough!).

“How do the twins know about the soul magic? I guess from Celeborn or Celebrain.It's easy to just see them as Noldor and forget they actually have more to their heritage than that.”

Yes, they would know from that side of their heritage, though I think Elrond, being into collecting knowledge, would know about it as well.  I think, by this time in history, the Elves have collected a smattering of knowledge about each others’ cultures and magics –on both the Noldor and Silvan/Sindar/Teleri—side of things.  So, the knowledge of soul-bonds wouldn’t be as unknown as if was in say the First Age.  That said, I think soul-magic was a pretty mysterious branch of magic still, one with a lot of unanswered questions and unknown power/consequences for even the Silvan, as soul-bonds were not common, even among the Silvan. 

I actually think soul-bonds are where the belief that sex for Elves equals marriage originated from.  I imagine that when they still dwelt about Cuiviénen, soul-bonds were first formed on accident between two Elves who loved each other deeply, but had no idea their longing to be united at a deep level resulted in a soul-bond.  What a surprise for them lol!

“It makes me sad Lindir sees his love for Erestor as an unhealthy thing. I guess it is if it was truly unrequited but it is not. Erestor feels the same and that transforms it into something beautiful.”

Yes, I think it is his fear of being dependent upon someone else/ losing himself entirely in Erestor, that is the problem.  He needs to be able to love Erestor but have a life outside Erestor too as I think he really has been revolving around Erestor to some extent for some time.  I think his love is beautiful (and not obsessive or unhealthy as he thinks) as well, but I do think he would be happier if he could prove to himself that he will not fold up into nothing without Erestor there.  But I also think he needs to learn to trust Erestor as well, trust that Erestor is not going to leave him, not going to one day get sick of him ect, and Lindir needs to learn that his love for Erestor doesn’t make him weak/wanting in some way.

“I am so happy Lindir has taken the first step to letting go of his bitterness. Understanding it is in effect just another way the Noldor from his past control him is a huge step.”

I know.  Finally!  It’s only taken him two Ages of the world, but hey, better late than never.  I just want him to find some peace though, so yes, this is a good thing as late as it is in the coming :D

“P.s. LOVED Glorfindel!”

And Glorfindel loved sauntering onto the stage lol!  Thanks for this lovely review, it left me with a huge smile :hugs:



Reviewer: cheekybeak Signed
Date: December 05, 2014 Title: Chapter 21: Chapter 21

I missed this chapter.... What an idiot!!

Omg OMG omg what??!!! A little half elf Erestor??

Ah what a mess this will make for him and Lindir. However will it work? A total disaster.

Though the thought of Erestor having a child is kind of appealing!

Author's Response:

“I missed this chapter.... What an idiot!!”

No, I am the idiot!  I’ve told myself before that if I double-post I need to make a note of it to the readers, but then I went and forgot!  I’ve missed chapters by other authors before, believe me, and then been confused as hell lol!

Yes, this is getting to be an utter mess with these characters, isn’t it?  Every chapter just keeps making it worse!

“Though the thought of Erestor having a child is kind of appealing!”

I think Erestor will make an excellent father, and even though this whole thing came out of a mess, I want him to have this happiness :D



Reviewer: cheekybeak Signed
Date: December 05, 2014 Title: Chapter 23: Chapter 23

You updated!! So fast. I feel spoilt.

The conversation about laughter was so beautiful. Lindir is so so damaged. It really upsets me. Erestor is slowly slowly breaking down his walls but it is such a painstaking business.

Lots of questions in my head about this half elven child and how you see it? Obviously not as if it has a "choice" like Elladan and Elrohir but rather that it will be born one or the other? If so I hope it is immortal, just because I am way more invested in Erestor than Turtle.

Also what is a Tirn-Ada? Should I know this??

I so don't want Lindir to go, obviously you plan on torturing me by keeping these guys apart for some time to come yet. Oh they frustrate me SO much. I just want to bang their heads together, I really do!!

Author's Response:

“You updated!! So fast. I feel spoilt.”

You kicked me into gear :D

“The conversation about laughter was so beautiful. Lindir is so so damaged. It really upsets me. Erestor is slowly slowly breaking down his walls but it is such a painstaking business.”

Am I able to say I like something I’ve written without sounding egotistical?  Because I actually like that scene a lot too.  You know, I had most of these flashbacks written before I wrote the present time stuff, and as readers were reading I would forget when they commented that they didn’t know how messed up Lindir was and how much he’d been through yet because those flashbacks were still coming.  It was weird, and I got impatient for everyone to know Lindir like I did (gosh I think this is sounding weird, sorry!).  Anyway, I hope this style came off well, I’ve never tried it before, but found I really liked it even if I got impatient :snorts:

“Also what is a Tirn-Ada? Should I know this??”

I had a note that it was like a godfather and then deleted it.  Sorry!  But no, you shouldn’t know because I made it up lol!  Anyway, I imagine that if a child has few relatives the parents will appoint someone to take care of their kid should they die.  If there are relatives about, then it’s not an issue, but for Erestor and Tamar they are the only ones in their family around.

“Lots of questions in my head about this half elven child and how you see it? Obviously not as if it has a "choice" like Elladan and Elrohir but rather that it will be born one or the other? If so I hope it is immortal, just because I am way more invested in Erestor than Turtle.”

Answer contains spoilers: There is only one recorded history of a Human/Elf union outside of Elrond/Elros’ lines which we know were given the Choice.  The Princes of Dol Amroth in Gondor were said to have descended from an Elf-maid, but obviously they are all Mortal.  So I decided that a child’s heritage would be decided by the father’s (just the kind of thing the Valar would do ie the male is of more importance).   But I’m glad they did, because I, like you, want the kid to be Elf-born.  Poor Erestor has suffered enough; he doesn’t need to watch his son die as well!

“I so don't want Lindir to go, obviously you plan on torturing me by keeping these guys apart for some time to come yet. Oh they frustrate me SO much. I just want to bang their heads together, I really do!!”

I really am torturing you, I know!  I just had to drag this out lol!

Thank you so much for the reviews!  I’ll try to hurry with this next update too :D



Reviewer: cheekybeak Signed
Date: September 08, 2015 Title: Chapter 27: Chapter 27

Yes to teenaged angst and longing! But flashbacks of that will work well...vey well indeed!

Author's Response:

“Yes to teenaged angst and longing!”

My god, it is terrible how much I love the idea of this :snorts:  And you better believe I will angst the shit out of this hahaha



Reviewer: cheekybeak Signed
Date: February 04, 2015 Title: Chapter 12: Chapter 12

Just like I had to go back in Time to re read Irimë so I also wanted to look again at this future Glorfindel...... To remind myself what he became. Now I am dying to know,,,what happens??? What happens between the broken damaged boy finding Maglor and this magnificent, confident, wise creature??!
And oh he is magnificent and oh it did my heart good to read this. To see him like this and how he overcomes, somehow, for he must do to grow into this!
It was such a gift to be able to read this now, right now when the thought of those horrific memories are fresh in my mind.
Glorfindel and Elrond...brothers, ( of a kind anyway) I love that thought!!

P.s. Also got me a fix of lovely Erestor which is always most welcome.

Author's Response:

Now I am dying to know,,,what happens??? What happens between the broken damaged boy finding Maglor and this magnificent, confident, wise creature??!”

Love happened, my dear, never underestimate the healing power of love! Lol  But seriously, yeah, just love, just Maglor being there, pouring love out on him, and Glorfindel employing his whole will into becoming again the Glorfindel of Númenor, the one who was proud of himself and exactly who he was made to be.  Never underestimate the power of the Fëanorion-will either lol

“Glorfindel and Elrond...brothers, ( of a kind anyway) I love that thought!!”

Yes :grins: Them, and Celebrimbor too for a time, the three cousins, the last of Feanor’s House (but for Maglor, who, unfortunately, couldn’t hang much with an Elven crowd).

P.s. Also got me a fix of lovely Erestor which is always most welcome.”

:groans with the weight of Ages:  I’ve got to get back to this story!  I’ve gotten so caught up in these others!  You have no idea how much writing I have like pretty much done and ready to post, just another edit or two, but keeps getting pushed onto the backburner because I have way too much.  At least it’s a good feeling to be ahead :) 

Thank you for taking the time to read this again!  Yay for a whole and merry Glorfindel!



Reviewer: cheekybeak Signed
Date: September 09, 2015 Title: Chapter 27: Chapter 27

I was reading you responses to reviews....it is almost as good as an update getting a glimpse into what you are thinking. The concept of the Land and the elves being able to reenbody themselves is fascinating.
Of course my first thought was, please not Irimé back to haunt us! But I don't know....I think it would take quite a bit of self awareness to do that and Irimé has NONE. I imagine it might take her a loooong time to get it together enough to reincarnate. You never know though.

Eol I would love to see again, and I would imagine he was powerful enough to do that, seeing a reborn Eol and Maeglin or Eol and Aredhel together would be interesting. And Lindir's parents?
Then there is Gildors Mum, that may create issues for Finrod and Curufin especially if they are struggling. That led me to thinking, if the reincarnation process is a healing process and Finrod was fast tracked, (although you haven't shown us if he will be or not) because the Valar wanted him back as an example, a reward for being "good" so to speak would that mean his healing was somehow compromised. That he wasn't actually ready to be reborn when they forced it upon him?

And then, because, you know, I overthink things.....got to stop doing that!....I wondered what would happen if one of the Sons of Feanor chose the Land. You would think that would not happen because they would assume their Father was in the Halls and their overwhelming drive was to be reunited with him. But I could maybe see Celegorm doing that. Of all of them he was most entwined to the land and connected with it. It was his point of difference....but would he seperate himself from his family? Probably not.

Then though I wondered about Maedhros. You would think he , of anyone would seek Feanor BUT if at the instant of his death he truly believed the burning of the Silmaril was rejection from his beloved Father, (the father who had reached for him through the Silmaril once before) if that was the uttermost thought in his mind when he died then maybe....maybe he would turn to the Land and not to Feanor in Mandos. It would mean sundering himself from any possible contact with Fingon though, (he would think...and would he do that? Maybe since he was not sane.)

So do the elves who are able to be reborn via the Land and the natural way have some advantage over elves who have passed through Mandos? Is their healing better? Would Maedhros if he chose that come back in a better place than his Father and Brothers? More intact maybe?

Anyway....must stop thinking on it but yeah...it's all so fascinating!

Author's Response:

“please not Irimé back to haunt us! But I don't know....I think it would take quite a bit of self awareness to do that and Irimé has NONE. I imagine it might take her a loooong time to get it together enough to reincarnate. You never know though.”

I agree with you 100% on this, so don’t worry, Irime doesn’t have what it takes to be re-embodied until at least like, the 7th Age, if EVER!

“Eol I would love to see again, and I would imagine he was powerful enough to do that, seeing a reborn Eol and Maeglin or Eol and Aredhel together would be interesting.”

I think he does have what it takes, it will be all kinds of complicated to see him and Maeglin met again, but the more I think on it, the more I think they really need it.  I mean, they’re relationship was all kinds of complex and damaged, and while Maeglin still loved his father, Eol tried to KILL him!  I don’t see Eol and Aredhel getting together again (they were all wrong for each other), but I do think they have issues to work out.

I have been thinking more about Lindir’s parent’s being re-embodied.  I think his father could regain a body pretty quickly, but I am not sure about his mother.  She certainly had the strength of will, but I don’t know enough of her character to know about her self-awarness yet.  And Gildor’s mom…yeah.  Well, I think Finrod’s love for Curufin was the most enduring of his loves as far as it being the most powerful, but being the most powerful, it also holds the most potential to be destructive, as we saw.  I will keep thinking about these idea, thank goodness I still have time to mull them over on the low-burner lol

“That led me to thinking, if the reincarnation process is a healing process and Finrod was fast tracked, (although you haven't shown us if he will be or not) because the Valar wanted him back as an example, a reward for being "good" so to speak would that mean his healing was somehow compromised. That he wasn't actually ready to be reborn when they forced it upon him?”

Ok, I’ve been thinking about this too.  The question is: did the Valar give Finrod early re-embodiment or not?  It makes little sense for them to do so, as I don’t write him as a believer or support of them.  So why would they want someone as jaded as Finrod has become in Valnor?  There is the idea that he was re-embodied because they’d been getting pestered by the remaining Valinorion Elves, but if that were the case, I can’t see them letting him go without tinkering.  Would this tinkering be as bad as what we saw them do to Fingolfin....?  Hum.

I think it’s entirely possible that the idea that Finrod was given re-birth as a ‘reward’ was a myth, just like I have Tuor’s immortality a myth.  I don’t think the Silmarillion’s in-world writer had returned to Valinor post-rebellion to confirm any of his ideas, just like he doesn’t know Feanor was never re-born (he just hopes he never is!).

I like the idea of Finrod getting to re-connect with Finarfin early, but in reality, even if he was re-born, the likelihood of him being re-born without tinkering is slim to none, so any re-connection with the true Finrod is impossible :(

“And then, because, you know, I overthink things.....got to stop doing that!....I wondered what would happen if one of the Sons of Feanor chose the Land.”

Stop right this instant you mind reader!  Ok, so yes, I have thought about this, but I can’t, no I absolutely can’t spoil this one! (unless you want me to).

“So do the elves who are able to be reborn via the Land and the natural way have some advantage over elves who have passed through Mandos? Is their healing better? Would Maedhros if he chose that come back in a better place than his Father and Brothers? More intact maybe?”

This is a really good question!  Hum…well, the Hall of Mandos offer no healing in regards to the Valar’s ‘help’ but I do think there is healing to be found for Maedhros in the reunion of spirit with his family and Fingon.  That said, I am thinking no one will remember what happened in the Halls.  But could their spirits have some inkling?.....yet if that were the case Fingolfin and Feanor would sense enough in their spirits that have the UST would be resolved, NO! :snorts: 

I don’t think going the path of the Land is really healing for the spirit like working things out by living day to day would be.  I think the spirit will have to confront themselves, and see and accept themselves for their wholeness, but that doesn’t mean they are healed from the grief and pain that they suffered in life.  And I also think that perfect awareness of being cannot exist once they regain their bodies and their minds have to….shrink back into their brains, as it were.  Oh gods, I which I had a stronger vocabulary and ability to express something like this!  (I can already imagine what a disaster writing this is going to be).

Thank you so much for this review!  Such wonderful and thought-provoking questions, I love it :)



Reviewer: cheekybeak Signed
Date: September 08, 2015 Title: Chapter 27: Chapter 27

Omg, Lindir and Erestor!!!! You are driving me insane with these two. They are more frustrating that Fingolfin and Feanor and that's saying something! Come on guys...open your eyes and see what is in front of you!!!

It hose two apart I found this chapter quite fascinating to read after what we have been discussing about Elladan, Elrohir, Gildor and even Legolas. It was interesting seeing how these characters would fit into those ideas we were talking about. One thing is for sure, Elrohir is a mess....a total mess, Elladan slightly better, I think he has more insight, it almost feels as if his brother is dragging him down.

Legolas....well he is all fun And sunlight at the moment and I loved his obvious delight/love of Gimli that came across. I wondered if Erion might have a bit of a crush thing happening for Legolas. I have to say I am kind of sad Erion has grown up SO fast. I am very intrigued what your plans for him might be.
Great chapter. Got me thinking......as always!

Author's Response:

“They are more frustrating that Fingolfin and Feanor and that's saying something!”

That is saying something lol  But then, they have been blind to each other for thousands of years, these two could write a book on the follies of not communicating!

“One thing is for sure, Elrohir is a mess....a total mess, Elladan slightly better, I think he has more insight, it almost feels as if his brother is dragging him down.”

 Yes, Elrohir really is!  And I agree with you about Elladan.  I think he could have moved into the healing stages years back if Elrohir didn’t keep dragging him back, keeping everything fresh inside him.  He would also choose the life of a Firstborn now, but he won’t do anything without Elrohir.

“I wondered if Erion might have a bit of a crush thing happening for Legolas. I have to say I am kind of sad Erion has grown up SO fast.”

You know, I actually wonder if he might have a thing for Elladan.  What do you think?  Do you think though that I shouldn’t have skipped so much time?  I did worry about this time jump.  Does it feel like I just got impatient?  I can be a very lazy writer at times (one of the reasons I don’t do much descriptions of environment) and I have to tell myself to slow down and do more showing and less telling. 

Thank you for the review!  It’s always a pleasure to hear what you think of the chapter :D



Reviewer: cheekybeak Signed
Date: September 08, 2015 Title: Chapter 27: Chapter 27

Ha! Snap!! I thought about Elladan first...and then I remembered what we had talked about and how you had Elladan all going solo and I thought...she wouldn't do that!! So I went with Legolas instead.

So yes! The Elladan thing definately came through. Oh Erestor would,be VERY unhappy with that!!!!! VERY, VERY unhappy.........or maybe just relieved it wasn't Elrohir!

The time span was a jolt but not an unreasonable one....and only because I love reading you writing children! Plus to tell the truth I am not sad to see the back of Tamar so from that point of view I was glad of it.

Author's Response:

“Ha! Snap!! I thought about Elladan first...and then I remembered what we had talked about and how you had Elladan all going solo and I thought...she wouldn't do that!! So I went with Legolas instead.”

Hahah, well I can never make up my mind!  I just have to throw up my hands and let the characters have their way :grins:  But I was thinking either Elladan or no one, because I could see Erion remaining single and happy as well (I have this need in me to show some characters being perfectly content in singleness, I was thinking Legolas for this before we got me thinking of him with a certain someone :)).

“Oh Erestor would,be VERY unhappy with that!!!!! VERY, VERY unhappy.........or maybe just relieved it wasn't Elrohir!”

Erestor would probably kiss Elladan because he wasn’t Elrohir lol!  But you are right, he would be seriously worried.  But wouldn’t Erion be so good for Elladan?  And then I would wish I had taken my time with Erion’s growing up so I could slip in some angst and longing (he defiantly had a crush when he was a teenager) and the way he chooses to go out ridding with the twins, rebelling in favor of his crush hahaha  I shall just have to tell it all in flashbacks (I am seriously to fond of these) if it does go this way between them :D

“The time span was a jolt but not an unreasonable one....and only because I love reading you writing children! Plus to tell the truth I am not sad to see the back of Tamar so from that point of view I was glad of it.”

Ok, that’s a relief to hear!  Tamar’s story did really feel done to me, but now you have me wishing to write more of Erion as a teenager!



Reviewer: cheekybeak Signed
Date: August 31, 2015 Title: Chapter 24: Chapter 24

Oh that was an unexpected twist. Linder running Ithilien, I didn't see that coming, but yay! Yay to someone seeing his value. Thranduil is a smart man. The ability to be able to assess both his sons strengths and weaknesses and admit them shows a good leader.
Throughout the books Legolas shows no sign of wishing to lead. He defers to Aragorn the entire time and never reveals his royal status. I know people have lots of different theories about why he does this but I have always thought that maybe it is because leadership in that way just isn't his thing. It is a bit incongruous then that right at the end he just suddenly runs off to lead a new colony. I like this explanation of that situation. Legolas has the charisma, enthusiasm and inspiration (plus the name....important for the Men) and Lindir has the knowledge and attention to detail. It should work.

I had to laugh, Thranduil's definition of Legolas not sitting still reminds me so much of Gildor. Maybe ADHD is a woodelf trait.

Author's Response:

“Throughout the books Legolas shows no sign of wishing to lead. He defers to Aragorn the entire time and never reveals his royal status. I know people have lots of different theories about why he does this but I have always thought that maybe it is because leadership in that way just isn't his thing. It is a bit incongruous then that right at the end he just suddenly runs off to lead a new colony. I like this explanation of that situation. Legolas has the charisma, enthusiasm and inspiration (plus the name....important for the Men) and Lindir has the knowledge and attention to detail. It should work.”

Yes, all this is so true, and I’ve thought the same when thinking about his character.  There were times during the quest when he could have stepped up as a leader if it was in him, but he never did.  Some people just aren’t leaders and there is nothing wrong with that.  I think Legolas will get better with time, though it will never be something he craves, and it is a good thing he will rule in peace-time because I think he’d make a bad war-time leader, he’s too much of a warrior himself, he’d want to be out there on the front facing the enemy.

“I had to laugh, Thranduil's definition of Legolas not sitting still reminds me so much of Gildor. Maybe ADHD is a woodelf trait.”

Lol!  Actually, he reminded me of Gildor too!  It’s been a long time since I read lotr, but if I remember correctly Legolas was always the first to spring into action and was always off doing something or talking with someone (like when they crossed the mountains or his wandering off in Lothlorien or his child-like excitement over the Ents).  He liked adventures and exploration, and was just overall a light-hearted person though he must have seen some terrible things in Mirkwood, he didn’t let it weigh about his soul.

Thanks for the review, beautiful lady :)  You also have such good insights!



Reviewer: cheekybeak Signed
Date: August 31, 2015 Title: Chapter 25: Chapter 25

You write small children so well, you really capture their enthusiasm for life. Your children always ring true.
I am so glad Erestor has his little half elf although Tamar is seriously screwed up. I hope she doesn't damage that little boy.
Lindir excelled himself here. I know he had no confidence in relating to a child but he really did a good job!

Author's Response:

“You write small children so well, you really capture their enthusiasm for life. Your children always ring true.”

Thank you!  You know, I actually worry about this sometimes because, as you know, I don’t have children of my own though I work with them.  I’ve found I do love writing children though (I seem to always be doing it lol), but only cute children :snorts:

“I am so glad Erestor has his little half elf although Tamar is seriously screwed up. I hope she doesn't damage that little boy.”

Well, I don’t think Erion will have the worst childhood, as he is surrounded by love, but having no playmates will be hard, and yes, Tamar has issues, but Erestor will make sure she doesn’t harm Erion you can be sure :)

“Lindir excelled himself here. I know he had no confidence in relating to a child but he really did a good job!”

Poor Lindir, I kept thinking about his own childhood when writing this, and how barren it was that he didn’t even know how to play children games.  But he healing, at last, so very slowly, but it is happening!



Reviewer: cheekybeak Signed
Date: August 31, 2015 Title: Chapter 26: Chapter 26

Oh! What a gift this chapter was!
Maglor and Glorfindel.....happy, and Glorfindel this transformed confident being, so good to see.

And Gildor and Lindir!! Don't think I have forgotten about their link, ( and yet they don't know....it seems, oh I WISH Lindir knew that.)

Lindir's reaction to Maglor was interesting. I remember having a conversation with you once about wether Maglor, ( and Maedhros) bore any responsibility for the treatment of the silvans in their realm. Well it seems Lindir obviously thinks they do. I agree with him, I have to say. Distracted as they may have been by war and leadership it happened on their watch. They must bear some responsibility.

I so wasn't expecting to see an happy, somewhat healed Maglor here. What a lovely surprise!

Author's Response:

“And Gildor and Lindir!! Don't think I have forgotten about their link, ( and yet they don't know....it seems, oh I WISH Lindir knew that.)”

Ha!  I thought most people would have forgotten they were cousins, but not you :)  I am afraid I have a terrible memory and forget things about not only other’s stories (the Eagle worshiping cult!) but my own as well!  It’s a miracle at this point that the series makes any sense lol

I kind of think Gildor kept his heritage hushed-out for the most part after Nargothrond, but we will see what happens when I write the Second Age.  I do want Gil-galad to know.  Gil-galad needs more family, and I think they could be great friends.

“Lindir's reaction to Maglor was interesting. I remember having a conversation with you once about wether Maglor, ( and Maedhros) bore any responsibility for the treatment of the silvans in their realm. Well it seems Lindir obviously thinks they do. I agree with him, I have to say. Distracted as they may have been by war and leadership it happened on their watch. They must bear some responsibility.”

I’ve thought about that conversation a lot myself, and yes, as much as I wish the Feanorions could be absolved of fault, they can’t be.  I do think things looked different from their POV at the time, but I think they came to regret not doing more.  In fact, I was thinking about this in regards to Maglor and Glorfindel’s story, and I think Maglor probably regrets not doing more to ensure the Silvan’s were all treated well in the Feanorions lands then he regrets the Kinslayings.  Of course, he wishes they had never killed anyone, but at the same time, I think he can justify those to himself more than he can the Silvan abuse because no Oath stopped him, it was his not caring or not having the time or energy to pursue the matter which is bad ruling.  Which them makes me wish I had never written that the Silvan were abused in the Feanorion’s lands because I think they were exceptional leaders, but then I think: crimes are committed under even the most outstanding of leaders, and it would be unrealistic to think they didn’t make mistakes especially with the pressure they were under.  But were they really the kind of leaders who would ignore abuse in their lands?  And I think that they did have cases brought before them to judge on and that they judged fairly, but too many cases of abuse, like Lindir’s, were allowed to be ignored when they should have pursued even the rumor of it.  Agh!  As you can see, it’s all a mess in my head and something I am still working through.

As always, you have got me thinking, and I love you for it :grins:



Reviewer: cheekybeak Signed
Date: November 21, 2015 Title: Chapter 28: Chapter 28

Perfect!

Finally, finally they get there!!
I was worried that it would all fall apart, that Erestor would believe Lindir's resistance and he nearly did but he pushed through it in the end!

This was beautiful and has been so long in coming. They do have a long road ahead of them. Lindir is so terribly damaged and I can see this will not be easy.

Erestor is so honorable and I love that but oh I WANTED him to stay and here Elrohir's answer as to his choice. I was so annoyed when he walked away!!

Poor Elladan. I am feeling so very, very sorry for him now. So much held back by his brother. Elrohir clings to him like a drowning man. I understand their reluctance to sail, their thoughts Valinor is a stagnant place but I wonder that they aren't drawn there to see their Mother. They know she is there.
Oh they need to get involved in the fight against the Valar. Why have Maglor and Glorfindel not harnessed Elladan's desire for freeing the Noldor from their chains? Bringing them back to greatness?

Author's Response:

I was worried that it would all fall apart, that Erestor would believe Lindir's resistance and he nearly did but he pushed through it in the end!”

This is exactly what I was hoping for!  I had written their final bonding scene a whole different way, but it was coming out all wrong, so I took another shot at it, really aiming for drawing things out and not having everything about the bond resolved just because Erestor had confessed his love, I felt like I needed to draw out the suspense, (after all, it’s only taken them 28 chapters to get here, no suspense at all :snorts:)  I am glad you enjoyed it :D

“They do have a long road ahead of them. Lindir is so terribly damaged and I can see this will not be easy.”

Yes, exactly this.  Just because they have the bond and known of each other’s love, does not mean its smooth sailing!

“Erestor is so honorable and I love that but oh I WANTED him to stay and here Elrohir's answer as to his choice. I was so annoyed when he walked away!!”

I know, but then all the suspense for Lost Children of the Sun would be over lol

“I understand their reluctance to sail, their thoughts Valinor is a stagnant place but I wonder that they aren't drawn there to see their Mother. They know she is there.
Oh they need to get involved in the fight against the Valar. Why have Maglor and Glorfindel not harnessed Elladan's desire for freeing the Noldor from their chains? Bringing them back to greatness?”

Ahhh!  I have a very good explanation for all this but I really really don’t want to spoil it!  I have to control myself, I have to lol!  Much will be reveled as we plunge deeper into Lost Children :D

Thank you so much for the review!  I am just ecstatic that you enjoyed it so much :hugs:



Title: The Price of Duty by Encairion
Rated: Mature [ - ]
Summary: Feature

The story of Erestor's life in the service of the sons of Fëanor. He grew up in the shadow of the Oath, became a Kinslayer at Doriath, and struggled to survive within a blood-stained people whose pride ran as deep as the curse binding them, and the despair they denied as they fought to reclaim jewels they worshiped as their salvation and gods.


Category: Fiction
Characters: Celebrimbor, Elrond, Elros, Erestor, Eärendil, Gil-galad, Glorfindel, Irimë, Lindir, Maedhros, Maglor, OFC, OMC
Content: Angst, Character Death, Drama, Dubcon, Explicit Sex, Femmeslash, Het, Incest, Rape/Non-con, Slash
Challenge: None
Series: The Price of Eternity
Chapters: 30 | Completed: Yes | Word count: 169375 | Read count: 44169

[Report This]
Published: May 04, 2012 | Updated: August 31, 2014


Reviewer: cheekybeak Signed
Date: November 26, 2014 Title: Chapter 3: Chapter 3

Hi, I am here following Ziggy's recommendation in search of Erestor, disillusioned after finding him absent in the Silmarillion!

Wow this is good! So gripping. I had never imagined Erestor as an elfling. He seems so unelfling like in his adult version. I fear for his safety here. Morivo has his eyes on him I can tell. What is Erestors father thinking abandoning him with these vile creatures? It's obvious his father loves him dearly but he seems neglectful all the same.
Am eagerly off to read more chapters!

Author's Response:

Thank you so much for all these lovely reviews!  It’s so wonderful it is to hear you’re enjoying the story :)

 I hope you will not be disappointed with my Erestor, I’m in love with Ziggy’s Erestor as well, but I wrote this story long before I first read her work so the two of them don’t bear a strong resemblance other than that they both love their lords.

I agree with your assessment of Erestor’s father: he loves Erestor, but he is neglectful.  I see you’ve comment more on Erestor’s father in another review, so I’ll talk about him there.

I can’t imagine Ziggy’s Erestor as an elfling either, other than that I image he followed Maedhros around everywhere, hero worshiping him as much as he adored him :D



Reviewer: cheekybeak Signed
Date: November 26, 2014 Title: Chapter 4: Chapter 4

This was so intense. I feel drained just reading it. A really good description inside the mind of a victim of abuse. How for all Erestors attempts he was powerless to stop what happened to him and how the abusers manipulated him.

Poor poor Erestor. I want to give him a hug and take him home with me.

And now I am going to have to go and read The Price of Vengeance too! My first impression of Maglor is relief he has found Erestor. I hope I am not disappointed in that. I love how you convey his power while all he was doing was carrying a small elfling. He feels somehow "more" than the other elves you have described so far.

Author's Response:

“A really good description inside the mind of a victim of abuse. How for all Erestors attempts he was powerless to stop what happened to him and how the abusers manipulated him.”

I really appreciate hearing this, I want it to be realistic as much as possible, but I doubt my ability to write it well enough. 

“And now I am going to have to go and read The Price of Vengeance too!”

As you are reading the Silm, I’m hopeful it won’t be too confusing if you do get a chance to read that one :)  You will find Maglor changed a lot over the years (how could he not after all he endured?).

“I love how you convey his power while all he was doing was carrying a small elfling. He feels somehow "more" than the other elves you have described so far.”

Lol!  You have no idea how much I love that he came across this way!  I want my writing of the Fëanorions to be exactly like this, especially from an outsider’s POV, so I am ecstatic you felt this way when reading!



Reviewer: cheekybeak Signed
Date: November 26, 2014 Title: Chapter 5: Chapter 5

I am glad you put in that explanation of aging because all the way through the second half of the chapter I was wondering how Erestor had grown up so much in so short a time as an Elf.
And just when I thought Morivo was never to be seen again he is back, no doubt to try and inflict more pain on Erestor.
P.S. I really like Maglor!

Author's Response:

Ah, maybe I should move that note to the beginning of the chapter…sorry if it was confusing!  Elf aging is a bit confusing to me what with the differences of Tree and Sun years.  It was actually Urloth who first started me on the idea that the children of Aman-born Elves might still age slower then Sindar, Silvan, ect.  I’m glad it made sense (at least at the end lol).

I am so glad you still like Maglor!  Those Fëanorions are as intimidating to write as they are exciting :)



Reviewer: cheekybeak Signed
Date: November 26, 2014 Title: Chapter 7: Chapter 7

Erestors father is a complex and confusing character. I like him..... And yet most of the time I do not like him.

It feels like he wears a mask. We see only glimpses of who he really is. Honor and duty are obviously important to his self esteem yet they crush the humanity out of him. So sad.

Just when I am thinking he is unfeeling and judgemental he turns round and is surprisingly accepting of Erestor possibly being "different", before he even knew of the abuse.
I feel he wishes he could more often be himself at least with his son and this scene of them together with all their walls down was very touching.

Author's Response:

Erestor’s father is yes, complex, but I am thrilled you both like and don’t like him lol!  He’s…broken, I guess is a good word for him.  I don’t think he ever really recovered from the Kinslaying, as so many soldiers who have killed in combat don’t.  And he’s wrapped all that up in duty and honor so it’s easier for him to live with.  And then he lost Erestor’s mother who he not only loved, but who I image was something of a steadying companion to him, his light in the darkness.  You said it just right when you said he wears a mask, and that he’s crushed himself underneath it.

Gosh, I hadn’t thought about his character in a while and now, talking about him, it’s giving me all these feels lol! 

I haven’t talked about Mórivo to you, I’m waiting to see what your feelings are towards him in a few chapters, because yeah, right now he looks like a total monster.  I shall wait with anticipation to hear your thoughts.

Thank you so much for these lovely reviews.  You made my day :hugs:



Reviewer: cheekybeak Signed
Date: November 27, 2014 Title: Chapter 12: Chapter 12

Wonderful chapter! I get Erestors father now. The kinslaying was totally abhorrent to him. His sense of duty is a shield he hides behind to protect his soul from the reality of what he has done and now that shield is cracking. It is not enough to keep out the truth of his deeds. I think he can no longer justify his actions to himself.
And now he knows his oath, his past, will lead his son to be a kinslayer also. How crushing. Erestor asked why he wasn't enough to make his father smile whereas Lalauro could. I do not think it is because he loves him less but the opposite. Lalauro he cares for but Erestor is his heart. The good to have come from his life and now all he sees is his deeds of the past destroying that most precious to him. He is overwhelmed with guilt.

Loved the scene in the forest. So glad Erestor had such a lovely first experience. It couldn't have been with anyone better! VERY hot!!
The Noldor and the silmarils frustrate me. They cannot let them go. They corrupt them by the actions they justify to regain them. Lainaras is right, they are a gem not a god. I know they are more than just a gem, but no matter what they contain or who made them or what oath was made over them they cannot be worth the damage done to souls in their name. They are not more important than the humanity of the elves themselves.
If there is one thing I blame Feanor for it is that he did not release his sons from the oath when he died. Even then the silmarils were more important to him than his children. He created the silmarils sure but he created his children also , are they not more precious? More beautiful? More wondrous? Erestors Father gets this finally. Feanor sadly never did.

Author's Response:

Oh my goodness, thank you for all these wonderful reviews!  Gosh you just made this a beautiful day :)

“Erestor asked why he wasn't enough to make his father smile whereas Lalauro could. I do not think it is because he loves him less but the opposite. Lalauro he cares for but Erestor is his heart.”

Yes, I agree with you completely.  Erestor is the one he loves most deeply, but that love has been mixed with so much pain, especially now when his father sees the full extent of what his teachings of duty will lead his son into.  Doriath is like all of his father’s nightmares come true, not just for himself, but for his son.  I feel teary-eyed over these two now!  Why the hell did I write this lol!

“Loved the scene in the forest. So glad Erestor had such a lovely first experience. It couldn't have been with anyone better! VERY hot!!”

Thanks!  I am thrilled you liked those two together :)

“I know they are more than just a gem, but no matter what they contain or who made them or what oath was made over them they cannot be worth the damage done to souls in their name. They are not more important than the humanity of the elves themselves.”

I do agree with you, and actually, I think most of Fëanor’s sons would agree with you as well.  But they can’t escape the Oath, so whether they want to or not, in the end it will drive them to its fulfillment.  I mean, if the only thing they cared about was reclaiming the Silmarils they wouldn’t have sent Dior 2 requests for its surrender, they would have gone for a surprise attack, or attacked sooner, when Lúthien had just died and Dior hadn’t established himself well in Doriath yet.  I know not everyone views the Oath as unbreakable (almost like Morgoth’s curse on Húrin’s line, the way it will always find them and ruin everything) but hey, to each their own :D

Ok, back to the Silmarils.  I agree, they are no gods, and it doesn’t matter who created them or who put a part of themselves inside them, they are not worth killing over.  However, I think what they really were was twisted into something completely different over the dark years in Beleriand.  I read this really good essay that I’ve been looking for to link you to but can’t find :tears out hair: about the Silmarils and why Fëanor would have sworn his Oath to them and not to vengeance for his father.  It talked about what the Silmarils could have represented to the Noldor in that time of Darkness when the Trees were gone and they were lost in the dark.  In that environment, the Silmarils were a link to the Two Trees, to light, to hope for a future, and even to possibly the feeding of an addiction (the author makes the point that the Tree light could have been an almost addictive substance, and now I really wish I could find this to re-read again).  Anyway, this is getting really long and I am no essay writer, but I totally think the re-claiming of the Silmarils was twisted into something else during the long years of war and hardship.  To re-claim the Silmarils was something like claiming the ability to build their own paradise with the Silmarils’ light, for some of the people of Fëanor –at least I think so :)

“If there is one thing I blame Feanor for it is that he did not release his sons from the oath when he died. Even then the silmarils were more important to him than his children. He created the silmarils sure but he created his children also , are they not more precious? More beautiful? More wondrous? Erestors Father gets this finally. Feanor sadly never did.”

I should tell you before I start talking about Fëanor, that I love his character.  That said, I can totally see how a person wouldn’t, and that’s completely cool.  I am not one of those people who will start going crazy if you criticize one of my favs lol!

Anyway, I actually think the Oath is unbreakable, Fëanor literally doesn’t have the power to release his sons.  I don’t know how far you’ve gotten in your Silm readings, and I’d hate to spoil anything for you, I’ll just say that Maedhros and Maglor have a discussion about the Oath later on and they pretty much agree that they can never be realized from the Oath because they swore on Eru, and even if Manwë and Varda were to release them, how can they ever reach Eru to ask the same?

I think Fëanor finally understood the magnitude of how far he’d damned his sons as he lay dying.  He’d finally see the full measure of what exactly they were facing, seen the might of Morgoth, the immense height of Angband’s fortifications with his own eyes, and realized how far he’d fucked up not only himself but his sons.  And then he went and fucked up more by yes, making them swear the Oath again, 3x!  Do I think he said other stuff before he died and the re-sworn Oath was the only thing recorded?  Yeah, I do.  But even if he told his sons he loved them one last time, he still made then re-swear the Oath which I think pretty much negated any words of love because it made them doubt all over again which he loved best: the Silmarils or them.

I am not entirely sure why he wanted them to sear the Oath again, it could have been something twisted up in his head where he thought those were the only words of advice he could give them left: finish it.  Or maybe he didn’t know what the fuck to do and was secretly panicking and despairing inside.  Or maybe I’m giving him too much credit or maybe he was too lost in grief to be thinking clearly at all.  I don’t know, I only know that I believe he did love his sons more than the Silmarils, but I think he didn’t make sure they knew that in the end and it had some devastating consequence on his sons over the years.  I think it’s really triadic.

Omg this response has gotten really long!  Sorry!  I just love talking about this stuff too much lol  Thanks again for the review :)



Reviewer: cheekybeak Signed
Date: November 27, 2014 Title: Chapter 13: Chapter 13

This was emotional, all the way through. So hard to read of elves killing elves.
I am pleased Erestors father died early though I wish he had not had to kill anyone again.

I hope he is reunited in the halls with Erestors mother. He was a good man damaged by an impulsive act in his youth..... Swearing an oath he would not have done had he known what it really meant. His punishment was his life that followed after. Surely that is enough. The valar may be petty but I like to think Eru is not.

While I was reading Erestors anguish I thought "he needs his silvan lady" and then she was there as if she knew but is she gone to him forever now? Has he destroyed that in his grief? Heartbreaking.

Lalauro..... Hmm I struggle with this. I understand the intensity of elves grieving but I cannot get past the fact she seems selfish, self absorbed, no thought for Erestor no thought for anyone beyond herself. To tell the truth I have never warmed to her. I don't know why. The note at the end says it all and Erestor is right to react as he did. How dare she.
I fear for Erestor now. I am nervous about reading what comes next. He needs someone, someone to help him refind himself. But where are they?

Author's Response:

It was painful to write, but wonderful to hear it came across so well :)  I am glad you liked it.  And yes, I like to hope Erestor’s father has found some sort of peace in death and re-union with his wife.

“While I was reading Erestors anguish I thought "he needs his silvan lady" and then she was there as if she knew but is she gone to him forever now? Has he destroyed that in his grief? Heartbreaking.”

I’m afraid he has.  Larainas isn’t going to allow herself to be treated like that, even if she is a compassionate person and can understand it came from the root of grief.  We don’t see her again in this story; she has her own to live.  I don’t mind giving a bit of a spoiler if you don’t mind reading one, it’s not something I’ve written yet as anything more than a mention, but Larainas ends up in the Greenwood/Mirkwood and actually becomes Legolas’ grandmother on his mother’s side. 

“Lalauro..... Hmm I struggle with this. I understand the intensity of elves grieving but I cannot get past the fact she seems selfish, self absorbed, no thought for Erestor no thought for anyone beyond herself.”

I actually agree with you.  I don’t think this was her first selfish act either; she got practically obsessive with her lover and didn’t visit Erestor or his father for long stretches of time.  But while Erestor may have built her up in his mind into some creature of perfection –perhaps because he thinks himself so far from it—she was as flawed as any other person.



Reviewer: cheekybeak Signed
Date: November 27, 2014 Title: Chapter 14: Chapter 14

When I said Erestor needed someone to help him save himself I did not mean Morivo!!!!

Though he certainly needs saving and much as I despise Morivo at least he seems to have unlocked Erestors empathy and compassion and that's important.
How he has done that I don't know but if Erestor can feel sorry for his deepest enemy then there is hope for him!

Ps I love the picture. He is beautiful.

Author's Response:

“When I said Erestor needed someone to help him save himself I did not mean Morivo!!!!”

Lol!  When I read that in your last review, I was like oh shit, cause I knew what, or rather who was coming.  Poor Erestor!

Erestor is a very compassionate person, and while he has a lot of hate and pain at this moment, he’s not a cold person.  I don’t know how he can forgive Mórivo, but it’s not for me to understand, Erestor is just more compassionate then he has a right to be.



Reviewer: cheekybeak Signed
Date: November 27, 2014 Title: Chapter 15: Chapter 15

I dont know what to make of Morovio. is he inately evil, or has something been done to him to turn him into what he is?

It seems there is no hope for him. He does not even understand the wrongs he has done. Without regret how is change possible?

I struggle to understand why Erestor seems to have this need for him. A legacy of the abuse or just the end result of loneliness and despair.

If you have noone then anyones touch can feel good. I would not mind if I thought Morovio could be redeemed but at the moment I think that is impossible.

Author's Response:

“I dont know what to make of Morovio. is he inately evil, or has something been done to him to turn him into what he is?”

I am afraid this is one of those too often cases where someone who has suffered abuse in their childhood turns into the abuser.  More of what happened comes out later in the story, so I’ll try not to spoil it.  But regardless of what was done to Mórivo, it’s a reason, not an excuse.  There can be no excuse for such actions even if there can be forgiveness.

“It seems there is no hope for him. He does not even understand the wrongs he has done. Without regret how is change possible?”

He’s in a lot of denial right now, still trying to justify what he did because without justification he must face the ruthless truth of what he is and what he’s done.

“If you have noone then anyones touch can feel good.”

Yes, I think Erestor’s motivation for allowing Mórivo back into his life is loneliness to a crippling degree.  He has been alone for 30 years, with little enough companionship, lost in his grief, he’s desperate for someone, anyone, and unfortunately that anyone turns out to be Mórivo –for a time.

Thank you so very much for these great reviews :hugs:  I love that you like the story so much, despite its no-doubt many flaws.  I hope you continue to enjoy it :)



Reviewer: cheekybeak Signed
Date: November 27, 2014 Title: Chapter 16: Chapter 16

Oh the twins . They are so gorgeous . I like that I can see differences in them. Already I can see Elros leaning toward the world of men and Elrond more elven. Maybe that's just my imagination!
Erestor needs these two, to love and care for, to ease his loneliness and to give him a focus he can put his energy into. It is as if it was meant to be.

I also like how despite the situation they find themselves in, (what they do is wrong and on one level they know it ) Maedrhos and Maglor have lost none of their honor and morality. They still try to be true to their real selves. Who was Maedrhos talking to? I feel kind of dumb that I can't get that. Is it his father? Or is it just a sign his sanity is slipping?

I loved your response about Feanor and the silmarils Thank you! To me it feels like the silmarils have become corrupted. They are no longer as Feanor made them and we see this in their effect on the elves. Elwing abandoned her children for them... Yet another putting the silmarils before all else. But when did that corruption happen? Was it during the long time Morgoth held them? I have kind of decided that it happened before that with the first kinslaying. As soon as elven blood was spilt in their name the silmarils were no longer pure.

I don't dislike Feanor himself. Tolkien leaves us lots of gaps to fill in so I have come up with my own explanation for Feanor. I think he never learned empathy . Not entirely his fault. Some
People are naturally empathetic like your Erestor and others need to be taught that as a child. But what happened to Feanor? His mother left him, she couldn't be bothered to stay around to nuture him. His father consumed with grief and guilt pandered to him and wasn't able to teach him the hard lessons of life.
I think Feanors wife helped him to empathise, Tolkien says she was the only one who could control him. I think she provided him the key to seeing things from others point of view. I don't mean he was incapable of love and compassion just that how other people saw the world was a mystery to him. His wife was like a translator to help him bridge that gap and once she helped him see clearly he could feel the appropriate emotions. Then she disappears from the story and once she is gone he is lost and it all falls apart. Maedrhos tries to help him, as he is also very empathetic but Feanor can't listen. What parent can easily take advice from a child?
That's my head canon anyway !
Ps LOVE the spoiler about Legolas's grandmother. She is just perfect for that!!

Author's Response:

“Erestor needs these two, to love and care for, to ease his loneliness and to give him a focus he can put his energy into.”

Yes he does.  This was just what he needed, something to live for, someone to cling to, someone to love.  I’m so glad you liked the twins :)

“Who was Maedrhos talking to? I feel kind of dumb that I can't get that. Is it his father? Or is it just a sign his sanity is slipping?”

No, don’t, it’s just me being really vague lol  It’s Fingon he’s talking to.  I have a scene in The Price of Vengeance before Doriath where we see from his POV, and that’s where this comes from.  He blames himself for Fingon’s death, and unless he goes entirely insane, this is his mind’s coping mechanism for Fingon’s death (and his brothers and father). 

“Elwing abandoned her children for them... Yet another putting the silmarils before all else. But when did that corruption happen? Was it during the long time Morgoth held them? I have kind of decided that it happened before that with the first kinslaying. As soon as elven blood was spilt in their name the silmarils were no longer pure.”

This is an interesting idea (though given my general resentment against the Valar I’d say it was the moment Varda ‘hollowed’ them that they were corrupted lol).  Anyway, I think it was Ziggy who made the comparison between the Silmarils and the One Ring, and I think, for anyone not of Fëanor’s blood trying to lay claim to them (Thingol, Dior, Elwing) it was a bit like that.  The Silmarils have a bit of a will of their own, and I think they want to get back to the Fëanorions, but they have none of the Ring’s almost sentient intelligence, so they fail rather badly and just drive their present holds a bit mad with lust for their light.  And I have this theory that the situation is made worse by the Maia-blood in Dior and Elwing.

I’ve read some other theories that I found really interesting.  I found that essay I was talking about before, and I tried a ‘contact author’ for you but that usually fails for me, so I’ll just give you the link here if you’re interested, it’s really fascinating: http://lintamande.tumblr.com/post/57211874071/the-silmarils-are-not-macguffins

There was another one by this same writer which is more about the Darkening of Valinor, but had this really interesting passage about how Tolkien at one time had Finwë’s body being so destroyed in Morgoth’s attack that only the Silmarils could have healed it and thus brought his spirit out of Mandos’ Halls which just makes me cry to think about!  Here’s the link to that one if you’re interested: http://lintamande.tumblr.com/post/58219991838/about-the-darkening

I am glad to hear you don’t dislike Fëanor (not that I would stop liking you if you did :) ).  I can understand disliking his choices but still finding him an interesting character.  He is one of the ones who I find both fascinating, and yet feel like I don’t have a solid grasp on.  He keeps slipping about in my mind, unsettled, but I suppose that’s just a testament to his complexity, because damn, he’s one of the most complex characters in the entire book!

I think he probably did have trouble connecting with most other Elves.  He was genius level brilliant, and I think that would have made him awkward socially in his youth, if not later as well.  I think he was probably impatient and bored with most Elves, but not cruel.  I don’t think he was cruel, even to his step brothers and sisters. 

He could collect followers who were passionately loyal to him; he had charisma because he was genuine, almost painfully so in the eyes of the nobles, he said what he meant, and never put on airs and had no trouble at all mingling with the common people (he married Nerdanel after all, and I don’t think she was any high-born lady).  I love that he picked her, a woman not noted for her beauty but her skill and her mind.  He is like the only Elf in ever mentioned to do so.

As for his relationship with Nerdanel, well…I actually think it wasn’t healthy.  Not at the end for sure.  For either of them.  I think they would have made a beautiful friendship, but expectations were placed on Nerdanel to ‘reign’ her husband in (this is completely head cannon by the way), and he didn’t take well to it.  It’s just, I actually find Tolkien’s statement of Nerdanel controlling Fëanor really disturbing, it makes it seem like something it wrong with him just being who he is (an attitude we see reflected in the Valar’s words to him in the Shibboleth of Fëanor where they pretty much tell him there’s something tainted inside him and blame him for his mother’s death).

OK, I need to stop talking about Fëanor or I will go on and on!  Can you tell I find him fascinating? Lol

I totally agree with you about Maedhros.  I think Maedhros was a very empathetic person (though he often hide it within the politician he had to become when Morgoth started poisoning the air), and after Nerdanel left, yes, I think he was the only one who could get his father to listen (on occasion, but again, I agree with you, I think Fëanor wouldn’t have wanted to be swayed by his son as much as he respected Maedhros, and by this point Fëanor was poisoned by Morgoth’s lies along with the rest and was paranoid like anything).

I’ve really enjoyed talking about this with you, I like hearing differing opinions (and similar ones) especially about Fëanor as he still confounds me at times :)  Thank you so much for continuing to read and review!  I hope you continue to enjoy :D



Reviewer: cheekybeak Signed
Date: November 28, 2014 Title: Chapter 19: Chapter 19

Lindir! I am excited by his reappearance. I think it is significant for Erestor.
I have been eagerly anticipating seeing how you would write Gil-galad. I don't like him. I guess it natural since the story is written from the viewpoint of a Feanorian that I wouldn't.

Still loving how you are writing the twins. Poor little Elrond. So frightened of losing his brother and we know , with our readers foresight, that he eventually will. I find the thought of the separation of Elrond and Elros by his taking mortality one of the most painful parts of Tolkiens story . It makes my stomach churn reading of Elros's enjoyment of mortal company even though I know already the outcome is inevitable.
It was good to see Elronds spirit though standing up to Gil-Galad.
Thank you , thank you , thank you for your notes on Feanor. I am going to read those links when I get home tonight. But what you said about his intelligence and genius causing his problems communicating and understanding other elves and their viewpoints really rang true. It makes so much sense to me! You have changed the way I see him!! (I will still see his relationship with his wife as a good one though, I look at it as what others described as control from the outside looking in was really her ability to provide that link for him to connect with the rest of world. The fact she was said to be smart and wise is important I think) Thanks again! I love it when someone points out a new way of looking at things that really resonates.

Author's Response:

“Lindir! I am excited by his reappearance. I think it is significant for Erestor.”

You have such excellent intuition!  Yes, Lindir will be important :grins:

“I have been eagerly anticipating seeing how you would write Gil-galad. I don't like him. I guess it natural since the story is written from the viewpoint of a Feanorian that I wouldn't.”

Yes, we are seeing him from Erestor’s POV and that is significant, we only know what Erestor knows.  You still might not like him by the end, but I’ll be interested in hearing your thoughts as we learn more about him.

“I find the thought of the separation of Elrond and Elros by his taking mortality one of the most painful parts of Tolkiens story.”

I am with you 100% here.  Honestly, reading the deaths of family members is probably more heartbreaking to me then the death of a lover, though that’s terrible too, but to lose a sibling, gods, even the idea of it kills me (I keep thinking of my own in their place and just…no, no, no, I can’t even thinking about this).

“But what you said about his intelligence and genius causing his problems communicating and understanding other elves and their viewpoints really rang true. It makes so much sense to me! You have changed the way I see him!!”

:squeals:  I can’t take credit for any original thinking there, I’ve picked up a lot of the way I see him from a variety of excellent fan fics, but that’s just the way I like it.  I love hearing other people’s opinions and reading their stories and have them be so amazing they just click in my head right away am I am like ‘Yes, exactly this, how did anything in the world make senses before I read this?’ LOL  Anyway, I just love that something I said let you look at Fëanor in a different way :D

“(I will still see his relationship with his wife as a good one though, I look at it as what others described as control from the outside looking in was really her ability to provide that link for him to connect with the rest of world. The fact she was said to be smart and wise is important I think)”

Totally cool.  Yours is, after all, the usual way of seeing their relationship.  I’m a bit out there, but I do like my spot out here on the edges lol! 

Thanks so much for the review and this great discussion!