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1001 Ways to Please Your Lover by Glorfindel

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Table of Contents

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Story notes:
I got an urgent message from Lady Mirfain - she said that we needed to write something together and give it to a person who had received a very disappointing story in a fic exchange. So we wrote alternate parts and Mir sent it to Aglarien1 to beta, which was rather cheeky of us as she was the recipient! She had no idea until afterwards though :D Happily, she loved it.

Disclaimer: Not ours. Wish they were. Dang it all. We make no money from this - if we did we would be loaded!
Erestor sniggered behind his hand, turning the page. The second page caused him to snort and sputter as his eyes danced merrily down the inked page. One of the junior councilors looked over at Elrond's Chief Councilor and Head Librarian and with a glare, loudly shushed his superior. Saelbeth, who was transcribing the latest missive from Lasgalen, looked at his friend, Melpomaen, winked and tossed his hastily crafted paper airplane at the amused dark haired elf that was interrupting their work.




When the dinner bell chimed, all but Erestor gathered their things to head for the evening meal and the monthly bingo night afterwards. Erestor simply picked up the small tome he was reading, well, laughing at really, and moved over to a settee by the crackling fireplace, being above such… edain games. How he wished his beloved was back from patrol. This latest position looked interesting and doable.




Elrond entered the library purely on a whim. He wanted to borrow the book he had written two thousand years before and deposit it in his rooms before dinner started. He always liked to maintain a presence at dinner; he believed it was most important. Besides, it was bingo night and he hoped to win a stuffed oliphaunt; he had been reliably informed by Glorfindel that if one pressed its belly it would make a squeaking noise.




"Hello, Erestor," Elrond said as he saw his friend reading a book by the fire.




"Anything interesting?" Elrond asked and indicated the book.




There is no way he is borrowing this book, Erestor thought. He should already know what is inside it. "Erm...no...unless you find a book about grain price listings in Mithlond interesting."




"Erestor, you are strange," Elrond said and laughed. "See you in a minute."




Elrond went off to look for the book. It was titled, 1001 ways to please your lover', and he urgently needed it. If Celebrian and he did not achieve some variety in their sex life he was going to scream. The problem was that he could not remember what he had written in the book as it was so long ago. He remembered the entry where an elf would hang upside down, with legs wide apart and have a bunch of flowers poking out of their bottom. He couldn't remember what the partner would do afterwards but he was most eager to try it out. It was most odd but the book Erestor was reading looked exactly like the one that Elrond wanted but he was too polite to accuse him of actually having it.




The book was nowhere to be found. Erestor was by the fire and still reading. "You haven't seen my book, have you, Erestor?" Elrond said nonchalantly whilst trying to sneak a look at the book Erestor seemed to be guarding.




"No," Erestor replied.




"Oh how frustrating," Elrond said. "Will you tell me if you do see it?"




"Yes," Erestor lied.



Well I had better win that Oliphaunt tonight or else I am going to be in the sulkiest of moods tomorrow, Elrond thought to himself and left the library to go to dinner.




Erestor sniggered. Sometimes it was too easy.




The night was half gone when Erestor heard the snick of the door closing and lifted his head from the book he was still engrossed in, wiping tears of laughter from his cheeks.




Glorfindel, having just returned from patrol and having seen the light in the library, and deciding to investigate, saw the tears on his mate’s cheeks and flew to his side. “Erestor! What is wrong? Why the tears?”




With a silly grin, Erestor sniggered again, causing Glorfindel to realize the tears were not from distress, and showed the Balrog Slayer the book he still held, coincidentally at the very same position Elrond had been trying to remember earlier.




Seeing the elf, who looked suspiciously like Elrond, suspended with the flowers sticking out his bum caused the sword to fall from Glorfindel’s fingers and fall to the floor with a metallic clang and he clutched his stomached and howled with laughter. “Wh…what is that? Where did you find? And who in Arda would have written it?” When Erestor simply turned the tome and tapped the author’s name, Glorfindel’s eyes shot open and his jaw dropped. “Wow,” was all the usually glib warrior was able to utter.




Glorfindel walked over to the library door, took his sword and pushed it through the looped door handles.




"Now we won't be disturbed," he said. "I dreamt of this moment while on patrol and now it is here. Put the book down."




"Meleth," Erestor said and grinned. "There is an illustration here which uses black ink and quills."




Glorfindel looked at the book and raised an eyebrow, "Oh that is just sick."




"Yes but it is Elrond because it has that birthmark he has on his bum. Elros didn't have one and neither did Ereinion." Erestor gleefully flicked through the pages. "Look, he is in every illustration. No wonder this book was in the restricted section."




"More fool Elrond for thinking that no one would read it," Glorfindel said and took the book from Erestor. He put it on the floor with one hand and with the other he held his husband's chin and kissed him on the lips.




“We are better than Elrond's book," Glorfindel breathed as he ran his hand down to Erestor's hip and pulled him closer.




"Mmmm..." Erestor groaned. "I have waited so long for you to come back. But I want to see you with petunias up your bum," Erestor pouted, batting his long eyelashes at his lover before breaking out into a fit of giggles.




"Absolutely not!" Glorfindel replied.




“I am not in the habit of trying to look silly," Glorfindel said.




"You can do it without flowers," Erestor teased.




Glorfindel looked down at the book on the floor and smirked. "How about if you do this one, my love?” he asked excitedly, pointing the next page, right next to the flowers sticking out of Elrond’s bum. “You were always quite the acrobat," Glorfindel teased, pointing at the drawing of Elrond, standing on his head and sucking his own cock.




Erestor groaned and shook his head. "No way. You know I don’t bend that way, lover. But maybe we could create our own position and add it to the book?” Erestor asked hopefully, eyeing the great golden lord that had long held his heart.




"Do you have any ideas?" Glorfindel asked Erestor.




“Oh, I have plenty of ideas of what I can do with you, tonight,” Erestor growled huskily, the scent of Glorfindel playing havoc with his libido. “I think though that we should simply draw us upon the settee before the library fireplace. That should be a new enough position to deserve notice, don’t you think?” Erestor said softly, sliding his arms firmly around his mate’s shoulders to draw him closer.




Hands made quick work of disrobing. Both elves panted as they made quick work of tearing away their clothing. Glorfindel's hands roamed over Erestor's body and he groaned as he was pulled in for a kiss.




Tongues kissed as well as lips, as if tasting an old friend. "More..." Erestor breathed.




"As much as you can take," Glorfindel moaned as his ear was caressed by Erestor's tongue.




It did not take much; both elves were over heating from the fire and their skin glistened in the low light of the room. The caresses became more demanding and neither elf could keep from kissing the other and touching the places they knew were sure to set the other on fire.




"I must have you now," Erestor said and groaned with eyes tight shut as Glorfidel moved down his body, his tongue setting his skin afire. "Go get the finger paints the elflings use."




"Why?" Glorfindel asked as his tongue dipped into Erestor's rosebud.




"Valar!" Erestor cried out. "Do it."




Glorfindel looked hastily across the room. "Where?"




"Over there," Erestor said and licked his lips.




Glorfindel positively flew across the room and took the first bottle he could lay his hands on. He poured some onto his hands and rubbed it on his cock before pouring a generous quantity on Erestor's arse. It was black, which seemed odd to Glorfindel but he shrugged and thought that Erestor must know what he was doing.




Glorfindel sunk his black painted cock into Erestor's warmth and he threw his head back and groaned. "Erestor, this is like coming home."




"Meleth," Erestor breathed, too far gone to realize that he now had a black bottom. "Harder, harder."




"If I go any harder I will knock you into next week," Glorfindel replied.




Erestor, who was a bit of a shouter, even though he would always deny it, urged Glorfindel on until he was being slammed into with great force. Neither could hold on for very long as their intense love shone for each other and their fear sought to unite.




The pressure built up to the point of no return and together Erestor and Glorfindel soared to the short lived nowhere land of complete ecstasy. Their fear joined as one and together they were remade as new and became a part of each other, bodies and mind merging into one until they came apart with a piece of each other still in their hearts and being.




Both elves panted and held each others as their bodies cooled down. Erestor took his shirt and wiped himself.




"It is black," Erestor said panicking. "You got the thickened illustrators ink and not the finger paints."




"It did the same job, didn't it?" Glorfindel asked and smiled.




"It is indelible ink. It doesn't come out."




"Oh dear," Glorfindel smirked. "That means my cock and your arse will be forever blackened. I dread to think of how the sofa is going to look."




Erestor groaned but half way through it turned into a chuckle, which soon became a full fledged belly laugh. Grabbing the book off the floor, he rushed to his desk, grabbed up another bottle of illustrator’s ink and began drawing their scene.




The next morning, Elrond stopped short at the sight of the book laying on his desk. “I see you found my book!” he called into the next room to Erestor, and puzzled over the merry laugh he received in response.




Later that night, when all Imladris was abed, the Lord and Lady of the realm snuck stealthily into the library, a small book clutched in Celebrian’s hand. When they reached the fireplace that had been perfectly reproduced in what was obviously Erestor’s hand, a gasp escaped Celebrian as she drew the coverlet off the settee. “Elrond! Your 1st age Teleporno settee has black ink all over it!”